New Game Plan

What a week.  I can't believe it has only been a week.  It feels like a lifetime has passed since last Sunday.  A long, horrible lifetime.  

The days have passed glacially slow.  Some mornings I wake up fine and go to bed crying.  Others I wake up sad and the whole day just sucks.  I feel guilty because I have been a super crappy wife.  J went from homemade lunches and over easy eggs n toast every morning to a power bar, a protein shake, a dirty smelly house & doing his own laundry.  We are both in sad shape, and I think part of it is he is sad and doesn't care about the house or food or any of that, either.  I did have a pretty good day Wednesday.  My super awesome sister got me a really nice "I'm sorry you got crappy news" gift and sent me to get a massage and body polish at my nearest Aveda salon.  Best two hours I've had in a long time!  I was treated to the 'stress-fix' package.  There was a minute where I felt like a fool as the poor massage therapist, in trying to find out what my 'ailments' were, brought me to tears.  Ugh.  

After that, J and I decided we needed to get the heck out of the house and had a fab weekend in Vancouver.  We did all the touristy stuff - hit Granville island, took a ferry to English Bay, walked around Yaletown, had dinner in Gastown, saw Canada Place & the Olympic torch.  We even took a horse buggy around Stanley Park & went up two ski lifts to a look out at the top of a wind mill on top of Grouse Mt.  It was incredible!

We got back last night and now the real work begins.  The movers are coming next Wednesday which means I best start packing.  I called my old boss & they made a per diem position in which to hire me back.  Yes, they created a opening for me. I guess if I suck at making babies, at least I can rule at life in the job sector.  Nursing degree, ftw.  I would have had no problem finding a job in San Diego, but I loved working at UCSD.  I like my co workers, they are a great team, and I know my pay will be off the hook.  I'm really looking forward to going back there and glad they are taking me back!  For once, I may work my share of overtime & become a call whore.  First day, September 18.  

Even though Bremerton sucks a big one, I'm not looking forward to leaving.  J and I will be apart until April when his ship will supposedly get back to San Diego.  I say 'supposedly' because The Nav likes to make plans change (see the USS Stennis' schedule the last 15 months.) To boot, we broke our lease and he is going to live on the ship.  Living on the ship is bad enough, but living on the ship while in the yards is equivalent to living in a construction zone.  Oh, and he will have no car....  I can not put into words how horrible J's life will be for the next 8 months.  

Back to WTF.  I met with Dr Kennedy Tuesday.  She is the most empathetic and resourceful doctor I have ever had.  She said everything with our cycle went as predicted and as the stats say they should have.  She wished we would have gotten more than 4 eggs with the 7 follies but that obv couldn't be helped.  She said if we did it again she would do it all exactly the same.  I'm hoping we won't need a "next time" but I suppose it is promising we found a protocol that worked well.  The only thing that ticked me off is she suggested we should move on to DE (donor egg). What?!!!  I'm young, I have good eggs, my labs are all fine, I just don't have the quantity to be as successfull as someone with two good ovaries who can pump out 25 eggs at once. Ugh!  I realize it will take us more tries simply because of quantity and percentages.  Math is math.  One frkn cycle fail is NOT enough to make me want to use a donor.  She said there wasn't a whole lot else we can do to increase our odds otherwise.  I asked her if there was a magic pill we could use in the mean time as we go back to "the normal way" of family building.  Vitamins, drugs, creams, magic dust, voodoo, tell me and I will do it!  I thought a progesterone supplement may help my LPD.  She suggested an HCG injection is the best.  So, I'm going to try that every month to supplement my natural LH surge which in turn helps support the egg and implantation.  The downside?  I have to track ovulation so as to give the injection at the right time.  This time, it's not nearly as time critical as it was with retrieval, but it has to be the same day.  I'm not exactly thrilled about using OPKs again.  I was looking forward to a TTC break.  It's also going to be really hard with me in Cali and Jeff in WA.  Not sure how we are going to work it yet.  I might just have ovidrel sitting in the fridge and if he happens to be around, great.  If not, meh.

Call me crazy, but I am also thinking about trying IUI (intrauterine insemination).  Since my eggs are fine & J's sperms are only mildly lazy, this would seem to be an o.k. (and cheaper!) option, right? Or am I not thinking clearly and being silly?   We skipped it originally because everyone was afraid I would run out of eggs tomorrow and IVF was obviously our best chance for success.  We will not be able to afford IVF again until at least next summer.  At 2% of the cost, I'm thinking IUI would be worth a try.  Realistically, we could try in a few months.  

I plan on hooking up with a new RE as soon as I get to California next week.  I'm hoping I can convince them IUI would be worth a shot.  There is a military treatment facility down at Balboa and I'm also thinking of going there... Since we know what works, all they have to do is prescribe the same protocol again & not f*ck it up.  Hopefully military healthcare can manage that.  

Last week I told myself I wasn't going to worry about life.  I am going to play blind & ignorant and am going to let TTC be for awhile.  This way I can relax and enjoy life a day at a time instead of a cycle at a time.  For some reason, I'm finding this hard to do.  If I know drinking a fancy smoothie and eating a bunch of pineapple core can help my cause for something we want so badly, how can I refuse to try it?  I wish I could go back to CD1.  368 357 days ago, before I knew about temping and OPKs, robitussin and Vitamin B12, preseed and babydust, softcups and suppositories and cervical fluid and trigger shots.  Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.  

Results are in!

EPIC FAIL

We got the phone call of doom.  Big, fat, HCG negative.  

I could tell as soon as " hi M, this is Heather, can you hear me alright?" was said.  Worst car ride ever.  We stopped at the grocery on the way home and picked up some recovery essentials: 3 Musketeers, ice cream bars, beers, and vanilla vodka.  I almost bought cigarettes, too.  I figured I might as well be as fetally unfriendly as I could be for one day!  I hate to admit this, but we burned the photo of the embryo.  I couldn't stand to see it on the fridge, staring at me, wondering what the heck went wrong.  

BTW, AF should have come yesterday.  For the first time ever, I'm late.  The bitch of it is I know I ain't preggy!  Our consolation prize for a failed cycle is my PERIOD!  What a cruel joke.  

I'm glad (as I'm sure so is J) that I can finally morph from evil bitch monster back to me.  I'm glad we just frkn know.  Not knowing was the worst!  I'm super sad because I was really looking forward to making J's life a living hell for the next 9 months.  Instead I get to eat sushi, drink beers, take excedrin for my headaches, and not eat my veggies.  Sounds like fun, except Im not looking forward to it.  I get to move back to Cali... Except that is a pretty shitty second place prize.  I wanted first prize, dammit!

I know what you're thinking... The answer is yes, we can still try "old skool." We have our WTF (why the fail) appointment tomorrow.  I'm hoping Dr K has some real good advice on what we can do to maximize our chances au natural.  It's probably not a whole lot and it would be pretty amazing to get lucky, I'm just not sure I want to go back to twice a day vitamins, temping, charting, and stressing every month.  Maybe I can be like a NORMAL person and take it Nike style and be surprised one day as I'm drinking my wine and wondering when the hell my last period was.  Sounds pretty luxurious.

Real luxurious.


Just for shits n giggles, I made J POAS last night.  I was hoping to share the pressure we women feel while POAS, plus I had more than a few extra tests. Pfffft.  He's not with child, either! Dang. 

Not yet ...

10dp3dt

I did not test this morning.  I decided to trust in the process and trust my body is doing everything it can.  Phrew!  So hard! J wants me to test and said he will not tell me the results.. Yeah, right!  Hahaha.  I thought about testing in the morning before my blood draw but that seems silly since we will know witout a doubt a few hours later.  Plus, we have a nice little day in Seattle planned and I want to enjoy my last few hours (of torture? ).  After that, life is changed one way or the other! 

If its good news, we get to start planning our trek back to San Diego!  Yippee!  If its bad news, I'll still go back to San Diego, just sooner.  Like, in 2 weeks.   ' be goin back to work!  Ya know, to pay off the mountain of debt we just incurred and then save up for the next round.   To put it in perspective, I realized we have spent just about as much on infertility as we did on our wedding.  Yikes.  

So tomorrow, I'm hoping for a beta of >20.  Realistically, anything over 0 means pregnant, but the higher the better.  Over 25 at 14 DPO is super fab.  If this happens, I'll go back in a few days to have it drawn again.  HCG should double at least every 72 hours.

Thank you guys from talking me down off the ledge!  I feel more at peace about the whole thing today.  I still feel really positive.  Everything else we had to get lined up--moving, leaving the shipyard, next orders- has worked out perfectly with the EDD of this cycle.  It HAS to work!  Everything else has!  

T minus 1,689 minutes.

Easier said than done.

Patience, n. 
A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

Today I'm 9dp3dt (12 DPO) and still nothing.

I think what I'm seeing (as I saw it again today) is a shinier part of the test where the line would show up if it were positive.  Hence why it's not there when I open it, it's there when its wet, but gone again after it dries.  Although today, it's still there after dry time.  *shrug*  Weird, I know.  I never considered myself to have an eagle eye, but apparently when it comes to POAS, I do.

I know, I know.  Don't get discouraged.  It's early.  Have faith.  Blah blah blah and all that. I'm trying.  Pulling on an olive won't make it ripen faster.  I know.  Much easier said than done.  Patience is a bitter plant that bears sweet fruit.  So here I am, waiting on that fruit.  

A glimmer of (false?) hope

Moonlight is lighting up the inlet out back.  A pair of headlights drive past.  It's pitch black in the house.  I've been up since 3 having to pee.  Only crazy people pee on things on the middle of the night, so i held it.    An alarm sounds signaling 5am.  I race to turn it off and run to POAS.  The timer starts.  I lay back in bed but left the bathroom light on & the door open so my eyes could wake up and adjust to the light.  I can't have sleepy eyes while on the hunt for that elusive second line! 3 minutes pass, but I decide to let it soak 1 more minute.  Time for the verdict.  I went ahead and spent the big bucks on some FRERs.  I tilt the test this way.  I tilt it that way.  I move around to catch the light just right.  WHATTHEFUCKISTHAT!  

"babe, get outta bed and come look at this." 
There's a line.  It's soooo so so faint, but I see it, I SEE it!  J rolls outta bed, rubs his eyes, and comes to look.

"what?  Where?"
"there!"
"I'm half asleep, are you serious?  I see nahthing."
"it's right there!"

He goes back to sleep.  I rip open a fresh FRER to compare.  Nope, no fainter than faint line on a fresh one.  It's GOT to be real!  Cue internal freak out.  Usually the sunlight to help me scrutinize pee-sticks, but it's still dark.  I grab the iPad and try to snap a few pics.  Not enough light and the zoom sucks.  I try inverting the colors on a photo editing program, no luck, too faint.  Gahhhhh, I know I see it!  So I try to go back to sleep.  I have a little moment where I get really excited and think yesssss, it's not over yet, there's a possibility!!  

And then 630 a.m. rolls around.  The test has been sitting there for 1.5 hours, well outside the 10 minute validity readout window.  Yet J takes another look.  He says I was seeing things, he still sees no line.  I examine it again, and I see no second line either.  How can that be?  I could have sworn there was one there earlier!  Maybe I really am going crazy.... Maybe i am seeing lines in my sleep.  Oh em gee...  I've been wanting to pee on another one all day.  

On another note, today has been a pretty great day!
  1) its gone by fast.  Hallelujah.  
2) last night J was really sweet & loving & I didn't have to kill him or cry :)
3) i washed the jeep and scrubbed rims... Was feeling productive.  I even rubbed on the ragtop protector I haven't reapplied since we bought it, uhhh, 15 months ago. ha.
 4) mom&dad sent us flowers!  Big, beautiful, good smelling ones!  :).  <3
5) i got a surprise call from my nurse today!  I got really nervous when caller ID popped up as SRM....   Turns out she was just checking in to see how I was holding up and if I had any questions about anything.  They know it's a long two weeks (understatement of the year!) and wanted to give me some reassurance.  She also reconfirmed that yes, we will get same day results on Sunday.  Between 2-4pm usually.  So that makes it..... 4,324 minutes until we know without a doubt.

With that, I'm off to do whatever it is stay at home wifeys do in the afternoon.  I'm really hoping tomorrow's line is darker so I know I'm not going BONKERS!

7dp3dt

My boobs feel like they are getting piercings.  I can't readjust on the couch without doing a boob grab and readjusting "the girls" first.  My tummy hurts and my ut is cramping pretty good today.  If it's the progesterone doing this to me, you can bet your lucky stars I won't be taking it again unless absolutely necessary!  Does PIO do this same shit to you?   The suppositories are..... Messy.  I can't say I'd be overjoyed with more needles I'm the ass.  I guess I'll be thankful I don't have walnut sized knots on my cheeks.  But seriously?  No wonder we women are so witchy at the end of the month.  I'm convinced I must have lad low progesterone.  Either that or it's sky high now.  I have never felt so evil in my life.

Oh, and....I lied.

This morning, a big fat sowhiteitwouldglowinthedark negative.  I'm trying not to get too worked up about it.  It's still early, right?  RIGHT?

I have 10 hpts on the back of the John right now.  4 are digi's.  6 are blue dye (sent to me by the pharmacy or bought before I knew better.. Yes I've had them that long.  Sad, eh???).  Not sure if I use the blue dyes knowing they suck, or go buy some FRERs to bring on the disappointment.  I've been using internet cheapies until now.   

I wonder if normal people have this debate, too?  And really, who has a stock of 17 hpts in their house at one time?  Must be an infertile!

The Curse of the Evap

Whats that rule they say about an evap?

Oh yeah.... NEVER look at it!  ugh.

I'm blaming this one all on J.  My plan was to wait until tomorrow to test because I obviously am clairvoyant and knew it would be a squinter if anything showed up at all.  I am secure in my plan as I wake up this morning.  I'm having a great time watching the birds from my pillow when J, on the way to his shower, asks "babe, aren't you going to POAS??  I'm dying to know!"  Ohhhhh fine, if you're going to make me.   ;)

10 minutes pass and i am in the midst of examining when J arrives all clean.  "Is anything there?"  I'm at a crossroads... Is there a line?  Are my eyes playing tricks on me?  Is it just a reflection of the light?  I don't tell him I think I see something, but he affirms... " I think I see it... Right there..." and points.  Right where it is.  For a guy who has looked at mayyyybe 2 other tests, I have no choice but believe we BOTH can't be crazy.  *gets sort of excited*

Then we went wrong.  "is it lighter or darker than yesterday?"  he asks.  Yesterday's while fresh seemed pretty darn negative.  But then I dug it out to compare.... And I'm not sure....  Stupid stupid evap.  So now I'm between a rock & a hard place.... Do I go with my gut from yesterday/ today, or do I go with the evap readout?  And then... Could it possibly still be trigger???  Gahhhhhhh.   

To boot, my guts feel like AF is coming today.  Cramping, sore boobies, nausea, and pimples.  All of these can also be attributed as side-effects of the progesterone I'm taking twice a day.

I swear to god, I'm not testing again until Thursday.

5dp3dt

Today's test result: BFN!  Of course.  The good news is this means my trigger is out.  I'm planning on testing again wednesday, 7dp3dt.  Wish me luck!

I'm halfway through Game of Thrones.  This big fat book has been a great distraction.  Now that our cabin is back down to 2 people, I am grateful we had the entertainment of inlaws and teenagers for 3 weeks.  This week has been CRAWLING.

The games we play...

This is a really neat list I found eHere that explains what is happening in the ut day by day after a 3 day transfer.  (for a 5day transfer start at day 2 where the embryo is now a blastocyst).

1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing 
2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst 
3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day 
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining 
5dpt.. Implantation begins as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining 
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining 
7dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells 
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood 
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

Of course the process can vary and be faster or slower. This is a good general timeline.  

Accordingly, I shouldn't get a positive test until at least Wednesday, 7dp3dt (translation: 7 days past 3 day transfer) also the equivalent of 10 DPO (days past ovulation).  This is the widely accepted norm as the earliest a BFP would or could appear.  However, the dreaded 2WW and symptom-meter is at an all time high and I can't help but log every single weird thing my body is doing.  I've taken 3 hpt's since Wednesday morning.  I could SWEAR today's was darker than the rest... Today i am 2dp3dt and I've just shown you this would be all but impossible.  Yet I keep having to go back and look to compare to be sure.  I haven't asked J to take a look.... I asked him to compare Wednesday to Thursday and he said " oh def, Thursday's line is much lighter!". I had to point out to him I meant the test line, not the control line ;). Ya know, the line that's barely there and you have to squint to see?  Yeah, that line.  He would definitely tell me to lay off the crazy pills if I asked him to squint and compare the three.  

If you aren't yet TTC and haven't experienced a 2 week wait, girl, you are in for a treat!  If you are or have TTC then you know what I'm talking about when I say it is pure MADNESS!!  I'd like to think I know my body pretty well.  I know when I'm getting a migraine the second it starts, I can tell the difference between AF cramps and ovulation cramps.  Then comes along the "two week wait" and suddenly I start to second guess my 27 years of body-education and every twinge  becomes a pregnancy symptom.  It's so annoying!  My boobies are more sore than usual... Is it the progesterone or am I pregnant?  I think I felt a little twinge!  Implantation?  I'm feeling excessively bloated; was it the beans I ate yesterday or could it be...?  I feel a bit nauseous this morning, is it the antibiotics or a little embryo?  What about the coffee?  It didn't smell that strongly yesterday!  Maybe my sense of smell is getting more heightened!  

Yesterday was I was so off, I just had to laugh at myself.  I just started reading Game of Thrones (great book, btw, I'm hooked!) and had been reading in my lounge chair outside for a few hours.  Out of no where i start getting these intense cramps, the biggest I've had since I started stims.  Not quite AF cramps, different... Like deep in my belly.  Of course you can guess what my first thought was.  I got so excited!  Maybe this was it!  My friends tell me their only "symptom" was mild cramping and this is what I'm experiencing!  10 minutes go by and then I realize uh oh, I need an emergency bathroom pitstop.  Turns out my cramps weren't embryo related at all.  Just revenge of the DragonFire pizza I had the night before complete with spicy sauce, pepperoni and loads of jalapeños.  I'm telling you, the 2ww is torture!

Another thing someone pointed out to me is that maybe my twin dream was, in fact, correct and that even though we transferred only one embryo the possibility exists that it will split into two, identical twin fetuses.  Hmmm... I suppose.  I researched that normally identical twins occur at a rate of 0.25%.  The percentage rises to somewhere between 2-9% with IVF.  While still a very rare occurrence, I can't deny the possibility exists.  Cool.  Another thing to obsess and wonder about.  In order to keep myself in check and tone down the obsessing indent thinkmill take another hot until Monday.  I'm hoping the trigger will be out of my system and I can quit the "omg, is it darker?!" questioning for a few days until a BFP is more realistic.

The thing I do know for certain, fate will be determined in 8 days by my blood HCG draw.  August 19, hurry up!

The Little Embryo That Could

I started this morning off a little different than usual.  Patient's must have a full bladder prior to transfer to aid in the visualization via ultrasound.  I have a bladder the size of a walnut and was not looking forward to this part of the IVF process.  My alarm went off at 0800 and I proceeded to drink 32 ounces of non-caffeinated, non-carbonated beverage.  (This doesn't sound like a lot, but YOU try it.)  I take a shower, but neither of us can wear anything scented i.e. lotion, perfume, or deodorant.  Just au natural, baby!   We hop in the car at 0915 and I try to find a delicate balance between finishing my 32 ounces and not having to pee every 10 minutes during this 90 minute drive to the surgery center.  We pull into a lovely McDonalds at 10am which is to be my last pee stop before GO time.  This is where it got fun.  I'm already entirely full of water, but must drink 28 more ounces before 1030.  You know how if you drink too much too fast after exercise or when it's really hot and you can feel your stomach sloshing around?  That's what I felt like.  Like my guts were floating.  Traffic in Seattle was horrendous today so we pulled up right at 1045.  I couldn't sit comfortably, so I walked around the waiting room impatient and nervous.  1100 comes around and we are taken back to a darkened exam room.  J has to leave his coffee behind - the smell will disturb the lil embie!  Inside is a fancy stirrup table with a huge ultrasound machine, a window that looks like it belongs at the McD's drive-through, and a small t.v. screen up on the wall.  First, we talk with the embryologist.  She was a super nice lady.  She gives us the schpeel, we sign the consent papers, and she tells us that our little embryo is a beautiful, "good" grade 10 cell!  On day 3 (which is today for me), they like to see embryos at 6-8 cells, so we are above the wicket, YESSSS!!!  She hands us the first picture of our little embryo.  Talk about cool!!  People think the fancy ultrasound pics they post on Facebook are the shiznizzle, wait til they get a load of THIS.  Next, an ultrasound tech comes in to make sure my bladder is full enough for action.  I tell her that I KNOW its full enough but she checks anyways.  Low and behold, its too full. ugh!  I have to try and pee out about 100cc into a paper cup...  Kegels, anyone?  Apparently I must have some adhesions from my other surgeries and these make my uterus rise higher than normal with a full bladder making it tough to see.  Anyways, I figured it out and now she can see perfectly.  Next, Doc comes in and they do another trial transfer.  They make sure the catheter goes in easily, they can see everything they need to see via ultrasound, and that everyone is ready for the handoff.  Then, the tv screen in front of us they switch over from the ultrasound to the camera in the back.  We can literally see the microscope on tv!  They show the label on the dish, the tech and doc check my armband to make sure I'm getting the correct embryo transferred, and then we watch wide-eyed as the embryo gets sucked up into a little tiny catheter.  The embryologist passes it off through the drive-through window to the doc who then puts the catheter into my uterus.  They measure and look and measure again to make sure it's exactly as deep as they want before they deploy the catheter and little embie is inside.  Then they check the catheter to make sure its empty and little embie is, in fact, safe & sound in the ut.  I laid there for my mandatory 15 minute resting period and off we went, back to home!  I gotta tell ya, I am kind of a sciency geek, but seeing this was SO. FRKN. COOL. 

Our transfer couldn't have gone better.  Though we were hoping twins would be in the future, I am super happy with the high quality singleton we have!  I am to be on modified bedrest for 48 hours and then light duty for 2 weeks.  Like I said, I was too scared to POAS before my blood draw, but J talked me into it.  I took one this morning and it is still lightly positive.  We shall see what happens the next few days!  By my calculation, the trigger should be gone by Sunday...  My official quantitative HCG is schedule for Sunday, August 19.  10 days away.  Eeeeeek!

My poor tummy after 68 injections.  This is after the purple has faded a bit.

Before retrieval, feeling nervous!

After Retrieval... I have no recollection of this being taken!

Transfer:  The setup

Transfer: The Drive-Through

Our little 10 cell embryo!

" Grow embie, grow embie, GROW!  "

My dream was wrong

1 fertilized.

Transfer scheduled for 1100 Wednesday.

Quality over quantity, right?

Retrieval went fairly well! Minus being a little sleepy I don't feel any worse than I have the past couple days with cramping & bloating.  I still had 7 follies but 2 were too small to have mature eggs ( we anticipated that).  For whatever reason one of the other big follies was empty so we ended up with 4 eggs retrieved.  Of course I was hoping for more, but I am certainly happy with 4! Everyone continues to tell me quality over quantity is the best chance for success.  Easier to say than actually believe.  Our future family rests on these 4 lil eggs getting fertilized.  I'm trying to suppress my thoughts of "maybe they missed one? Did they drop any on the floor?"  I am focusing on relaxing and trying to find comfort in the fact that the rest of this process is out if my hands.  J and I have done everything possible, now it's up to doctors, embryologists, nurses, and mehbe the man upstairs!

I had a super freaky dream last night.... I dreamt I had a huge baby bump and everyone was shocked because I was so early in pregnancy but I got to break the news that i was huge because I was carrying twins!  I didn't tell J about it.... It seemed irrelevant and unimportant as we woke up at buttcrack a.m.  and scrambled out the door this morning.  Apparently I had the same dream during anesthesia because he said I woke up mumbling to him about the same exact thing! I don't remember telling J about my dream in the surgery center but hopefully this is a good omen!!  I remember walking to the OR, hopping on the table, the oxygen mask and monitors while reciting my mantra ... next thing I know I'm waking up behind the preop curtain.  I asked for my surgical cap off, my socks on, and then sleepily slurred to the nurse to make sure they were going to do ICSI on the eggs!  I can't wait to hear the fertilization report tomorrow.  Since we had only 4, I'm willing to bet the odds are pretty high we will do a 3 day transfer on Wednesday.   

I'm really trying to take one day at a time.... However, I am entranced by the POAS (pee on a stick) phenomenon!  I have consulted my calendar to figure out when I will be able to start testing.  I triggered with 10,000 HCG.  The body metabolizes 1,000 units every 24-28 hours.  Of course some bodies are more or less efficient than this.  According to the rule of thumb, a BFP on Monday Aug 13 could be fo rizzle.  My other option is to take a test every morning until I get a negative showing the trigger is out of my system.  A positive after that would be due to bebe!  At the same time, I'm super scared to test early, as in before a blood quantitative HCG by my RE.... What if all my poas's are negative???   Decisions, decisions.  One day at a time...  Let's get some eggs fertilized first.

Day 8

Yaaaaaaaaaay! Today's check was fab! I haven't received my E2 results yet but had some big fatty follies growing! Two are a nice 19mm, two are at 17mm, one is at 15mm and two at 13mm. Today before leaving the office we got our instructions for trigger and retrieval. The practitioner said it looks promising for trigger tonite or tomorrow! We will know this afternoon after Dr K makes the decision and when nurse Katie calls. This would put retrieval at either Sunday or Monday. Yikes!


This part of the process is why we pay the $big bucks$.  To be successful it is imperative they follow a strict timeline.  If the follicles aren't big enough or mature enough and are aspirated early, they might not contain mature eggs and/or the eggs won't fertilize properly.  If they wait too long, I will ovulate all these eggs on my own and we lose the chance to retrieve them.  I've had heard they want follicles between 16-20mm for the best chance to find nice, juicy ripe eggs.  The other balancing act is the HCG trigger shot (aka "money shot").  The HCG acts as the LH surge in a natural cycle and puts the follicles through their final maturation process.  Without HCG (or LH) the follicles and eggs they contain are useless and won't fertilize.  The trigger MUST be given precisely 36 hours before retrieval.

Why do I say yikes! when I refer to retrieval?  It is a complicated and delicate process.  First, it involves me undergoing anesthesia.  Though I could administer it to myself thanks to my CNOR certification, it scares me to be the receiver and not the giver.  Second, I will be up in stirrups with coot for all to see.  Third, in order to get those lovely eggs, via ultrasound guidance they stick a giant needle through the vaginal wall to aspirate the follicles.  This might also involve pushing/pulling my already bloated tummy or a hole through the uterus if they can't get them via vag.  Oh by the way, please don't put a hole in my ureters or bowel, thanks!  Finally, I work in the operating room, I KNOW what goes on....  Sometimes it's fun.  Most times it's good, but when it's bad, it's b.a.d.  The reassuring angle is I know what to expect and really, this is a fairly minor (though nerve-wracking) procedure.  I also plan on wearing my own cute scrub hat instead of the ugly, itchy blue bouffant most patients are subjected to.   After retrieval, I'm hopped up on propofol (the Michael Jackson drug) and Vicodin and the rest of the work is up to the embryologist and his gang of pros.  They do some fancy work that involves isolation, incubation, and fertilization.  Most times they just mix up sperm and eggs in a dish and they fertilize.  Because of J's lazy ass sperms we will be doing ICSI or intracytoplasmic sperm injection.  After he gives it up in a cup, they'll pick out the bestest looking ones "going for gold" and inject one single sperm into each egg via a seriously tiny needle.  Like microscopic.  The next day we find out how many actually fertilized-  usually 80% do.  This is where they turn from eggs to embryos.  Then, we wait!  After fertilization, they start to divide.  Some will arrest after fertilization due to chromosome issues and whatnot.  The transfer (when embryo goes from petri dish to warm, comfy ut) takes places either 3 or 5 days after retrieval.  5 days is preferred as this is the point when the embryos have reached blastocyst stage.  A 3 day transfer is still o.k. And sometimes is done if waiting until day 5 has no advantage; say if you only had 1 or 2 embryos to transfer anyhow.  If more embryos than what we will transfer are still viable and growing at day 6, they can be cryopreserved or made into embie-cubes!  Even if we have eggs that fertilize and embryos that make it to blastocyst stage, our chances of making it to implantation and a screaming kid 36 weeks later are 65%.  In the IVF world, this is actually pretty darn good.
So, as you can see we have only managed to jump one of several hurdles.  I've made it past what i think is our biggest one, egg growing!  As J said, you can't make it past the other hurdles until you make it over the first one.  Man, he's awfully philosophical at 9am.  We are hoping and praying and crossing all possible appendages that retrieval, fertilization, blastocyst, and implantation will leave us with the biggest, fattest, BFP there ever was!!!




UPDATE: Retrieval will be Sunday at 0830!  E2 was 2603 today.  Wowza!  Once again J rocked out the money shot.  We ended up triggering with 10,000 units which means it'll take me ~10 days to flush it out of my system... Delays my POAS accuracy a lil more but i'm prepared.  I believe I have 10 pregnancy tests along with like 12 strips to pee on.  I'm going to be a POAS freak!  


Since trigger is done, NO MORE NEEDLES!!  Hallelujah!